Hello, Mia.
Paul, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
I'm so sorry... about your father.
Uh, thank you.
In Treatment, S02E21 Mia: Week Five
I found out from Ellis at work.
- How are you? - I'm, I'm fine.
You can't really be fine.
I know that I'm not supposed to talk to your lawyer, but
you never canceled on me before.
Well, some things are bigger than protocol, aren't they?
I mean, life and death, and...
losing your father.
Paul?
Sorry.
It's ironic that we were talking about your father last session.
Yeah... I've, I've thought about that.
You know, the strange thing is, I haven't spoken to him since then.
But I can't imagine what I would do if...
I'm sorry.
This, this is not about me today.
Did you get my card?
I stood in that store... forever, trying, trying to pick it out, you know,
what kind of picture, what kind of... message?
What did you think?
I, I, I haven't read it yet.
- Because I sent it? - No, no, no, no, no.
You were away all last week and, well, you haven't opened your mail?
That's not a good sign.
Sounds like you're worried about me.
Well, you do look -- tired and...
and you're not wearing a jacket.
Oh, yeah.
Are you... sleeping?
- You're eating? - No, I'm fine.
Yeah, you said that before.
I know that you have to be the neutral shrink,
but, you know, this is a relationship... of a sort, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
And, um... I appreciate your sympathy.
Granted, I am not the first person you would reach out to.
Our last couple of sessions, I have been...
a challenge, to put it mildly.
But, you know, I was concerned. I mean, I wondered, who do you have?
I don't know if you're close to your ex. I assume, your kids are with her.
And you haven't been in New York that long, and it's hard to find friends.
Well, you're worried I'm lonely?
No offence, but I can see it in your face.
Is it possible that, uh, you're afraid
that I'm not ready to give you my full attention today?
No. No, that's not it. I mean, this is me, being caring.
- Is that okay? - Yes, of course it is. It's just...
It's not what you...
Look...
- You don't have to worry about my feelings. - Does anybody?
Would you rather I yell at you for canceling?
Are you saying you felt like yelling when I canceled?
- I was fine. - No other reaction?
- I got over it. - Before or after you'd seen Ellis?
Okay. Well, true, I, I went to Ellis.
Also true, I was a little upset.
More than a little.
And then I felt like a jerk when I found out why you had canceled.
But that was last week.
And now everything's changed.
Oh... Why is that?
Because I'm pregnant.
Oh, that's... that's really, uh...
big news.
No kidding.
You surprised?
Yes.
Yeah, me too.
Especially with my FSH levels.
It's... strange timing, with us...
life and death.
Do you wanna have the session out in the snow? I mean...
Oh, uh... So, you, you were, you were telling me about your...
FSH levels.
No, we were past that.
I was talking about our timing.
20 years ago you were having your first child and I was losing mine.
So, have you been thinking about that time?
It's different. It's different this time. I know, everybody says, you know,
you get pregnant and everything changes, but it's really true.
I mean, my body feels totally different, I've stopped smoking.
You know, there's this, there's this preschool on my block that I always avoid
because it's, you know... moms with their "Humvee" strollers, blocking everyone.
you know, like they're privileged because they've procreated. Now...
I just walk through smiling.
So, you went from, from jealousy to
feeling like... part of the, the club.
At work, Bennett...
who's leaving Friday, finally...
he had asked me to take over this big case,
you know, assuming that I would just crush the other side, as usual.
But I took one look at the poor family and I cut a deal.
He was pissed.
You're sure you're not trying to, uh... punish Bennett?
He's marrying Stefanie. That'll be punishment enough.
I feel bad for their kid, you know.
I mean, he's a double adulterer and she's a bimbo.
- Why are we talking about Bennett? - Well, you brought him up.
And he is somebody that you did want to have a child with.
It's, it's not his. I did the math.
Still it's interesting that you found out that Bennett was
having a baby, and a couple of weeks later you're... pregnant.
Are you saying that I'm competing with Bennett?
- That's, that's what you think I, I, I think? - "That's what you think I think?"
Paul, I'm having a baby because I, I went on a sex spree,
that weekend, without using protection.
And maybe that wasn't the smartest thing, but maybe it was.
So, maybe you weren't just being... reckless,
maybe you might have been...
- trying to get pregnant. - I figure it was guitar boy...
and not the middle-aged cop, which is good...
'cause, there won't be any paternity issues if I decide not to tell.
Guitar boy doesn't even have my number or my last name.
So, you don't want him involved?
I know the baby needs a father, but not one like that.
Does this... silence mean you're appalled?
Hey, I'm pregnant.
I thought that...
you would be happy...
that we'd celebrate.
This is really bad timing, I know, I...
What would you like me to say, Mia?
"Wow, Mia, that's amazing!
"You came in here, saying, you wanted a family, a child,
"and then you got it. Congratulations!"
In other words, you had a problem, and now you have a solution?
Well, can't that happen, ever?
Of course. Sounds ideal.
- What else would you like to hear from me? - This game again?
Okay. How about:
"Don't worry. You're, you're gonna be a good mom, and I'll be there for you."
Could you tell me what that means: "I'll, I'll be there for you"?
I have major decisions to make.
Like what?
Like: Do I need a doula? Should I have genetic testing?
Will my apartment be big enough?
And you want me to help you with those decisions?
How much time should I take off? Or should, should I just quit and move to the country?
These are all big questions.
Your sisters have children. Have you spoken to them?
They are busy with their own kids. And my mother? Forget it.
And my dad? He loves his grandchildren, but...
he doesn't... do anything.
He just lets them admire him.
You sound sure that your mother wouldn't want to help you,
- but she did with your sisters. - That's different.
They're younger, they're married...
and she actually likes them.
And she doesn't like you?
For me, she was less of a mom and more of a, a vase:
beautiful, but hard to the touch.
- That's a very powerful image. - She was beautiful,
till I ruined her figure.
Ahh yes... her mantra.
Has that been on your mind this week?
I always kept in shape. You know, I think, men like that. And now, it'll all go.
I hear your feet get bigger. I, I hate big feet.
Not to mention what birth does to...
sex.
I mean, you've been there.
It, it stretches, right?
The size of a baby's head,
compared to the size of a penis? That can't be good.
And the man thing it's over, isn't it?
Guys my age, they, they have grown kids.
They don't want change diapers again. I mean, would you?
What are you, what are you asking me?
Come on, Paul. Just answer my question.
If someone like me would be attracted to a woman... like you?
We've already done that. I get it, we're not a couple. I'm...
I'm saying, hypothetically...
if I got fat, emotional...
more emotional...
if I had to cater to an infant...
I don't think that rules out all men.
So I could still get the drooling guy on the back of a 6:00 train?
I mean, look, having a child can ruin even a good relationship.
Is that what happened to you?
Your wife did all the child-rearing,
while you sat in that chair, listening to people's problems,
she actually dealt with people's problems? Must have pissed her off.
Obviously, something did.
But I'd rather talk about your anger than my ex-wife's.
Fair enough.
Who, whose are those?
Yours or your kids'?
And why are they in here?
Are you this responsive with your kids,
or are you different as a dad?
Oh, okay, okay, great. You're bored, you're annoyed?
You can't wait till I get out of here?
And we're back to your default that I wanna kick you out.
You, you, you did just look at your watch. You have never done that.
- I've never worn a watch before. - That is not the point.
I am right. You, you should not be working this week.
I'm fine, Mia.
If I said "I'm fine" four times, you would be all over me.
You're not even in the room, emotionally. Admit it.
I mean, why, why did you look at your watch?
It's my father's watch.
I'm sorry. I must have glanced without meaning to
when you mentioned the word "dad".
Oh.
It's not even ticking.
Time stops when I'm here.
If I wasn't pregnant, we could call it a day and go to a bar.
That would be better for both of us.
Is this the bar in Soho where you hoped we'd run into each other?
Yeah, although this time we could act like we'd just met.
As in: "Hello, is this seat taken?"
Right. And I'd say, "No. Hi!
"I just found out I'm pregnant after a binge weekend of anonymous sex."
And, and, and you would say, "My father just died", and then
we'd get plastered and fly to Vegas and get married.
And then what?
You know me, I'd fuck it up. But it was fun, wasn't it?
I can see how we both could think it would solve our problems.
Don't go overboard.
Mia -- I think there's two issues here:
one: your feelings about the pregnancy;
two: your feelings about not having a partner.
And it could be that they're, uh...
intertwined.
I mean, you've said a few times that it feels like
I'm not in the room today.
You mentioned you're worried that having a baby is gonna make you feel
less physically attractive.
Is it that you're afraid that no one will be there for you
if you have a child?
Well, I will be a single mom.
That's... harder.
Yes. It can be.
And okay, I admit it isn't my first choice
but I can't have my first choice.
This is, this is what I have.
It's not picture perfect.
And what, what's picture perfect?
Me, a baby and a man.
And -- what, what kind of man?
- What? I don't know. - No idea?
That's not the point. Why aren't you encouraging me?
You're in the mood to celebrate and you feel that I'm not joining in that.
No, I think that you think that I'm too fucked up,
that -- I'll be miserable and a disaster.
You know that's not what I said.
Never mind. I will call guitar boy. I'm sure he'll take full responsibility.
Or, or I'll just, I'll just do it all on my own.
I'll quit my job, I'll gain 100 pounds
and I'm sure I'll still be as good as my mom except that
this baby won't have a dad.
Why don't you just take a breath?
God, I need to smoke. Oh -- you, you won't let me.
I, I thought you had quit because you're pregnant.
One cigarette isn't gonna do any harm.
I, I, I'd rather you didn't.
I'm, I'm in withdrawal, okay?
I think you're agitated.
Why do people have children, anyhow?
They want... little versions of themselves to,
to gaze up and say "I love you"?
They wanna relive their own childhoods?
That, that is the last thing I wanna do.
The truth is, I like visiting my nieces,
but I cannot wait to get home.
You don't give me that sense.
What was I thinking, sleeping around like that?
If I had wanted a child, I would have had one by now.
Maybe I should give it up for adoption.
So... you don't want to have the baby?
I'm just...
Go on, Mia. Just talk through it, it's, it...
Tell me what you're feeling.
- It's okay, these, these feelings -- - No, shut up, shut up. It's not okay.
This, this isn't just my feelings. This is it... right?
This is my last chance...
And I'm, I'm too scared?
This sounds very similar to what you were saying 20 years ago.
You're right.
This is just how it felt back then, isn't it?
I didn't want to have a baby. I wanted to have an abortion.
And is that what you want to do now?
No, I don't know, I don't...
I mean, come on, Paul, we, we both know I'm...
I shouldn't go through with this.
Mia, look, I understand that you may be feeling just...
overwhelmed right now.
Yeah, you think?
But you are in a very different place than you were back then.
Some of your concerns are, are... they, they're practical.
You can handle them now.
You know how to hire a nanny, how to buy a bigger apartment, how to make a living.
But maybe the real question is:
Do you want to raise a child
if you have to do it on your own?
Will you help me?
I, I can help you as your therapist.
Well, I know, but I, I've never been a mother, and you're the father.
I'm the father?
N... no, I misspoke.
You're not -- "the" father.
You're a father.
Nevertheless, you did want us to celebrate.
You asked if I would stick with you if, if you were pregnant.
And then you imagined how we might run away and get married.
So, if you're creating a new family, Mia,
it's possible that you'd like me to be there...
in the picture or in the room.
Here we are.
And now I just want you to tell me that
having a baby means, I won't -- be alone for the rest of my life.
Actually, I can tell you that in my experience at times it feels like...
when you have a child, you'll never be alone again,
or even have a moment to yourself.
Who, who else have you told about the pregnancy?
This time?
No one.
Even after you took the test?
I think you're right, Paul. I do wanna pull you in.
Of course, you know I...
I'm s-, I'm scared, I'm worried about doing it on my own, but...
But I heard what you said. I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago.
There's just this, this new life.
I can feel it.
And this time I want it.
You really do.
And I'll try my best to be a good mother...
even if I'm afraid and even if... it's just me.
I think, maybe this is a good place to stop.
Oh, wow. That went fast.
It's okay, uh... I'd better get going.
The subways are gonna be all... screwed up.
But, uh, you, you should take the rest of the day off...
a snow day.
Go for a walk in the park.
Eat something.
Thank you.
And, Paul...
Please be happy for me.